Kristin is a 29-year old who
appears to “have it all”: she is successful at work; she is popular with her
colleagues and friends; and she has been with her boyfriend, Josh, for two
years and anticipates a marriage proposal soon. Yet, she feels overwhelmed and
inundated by the eagerness of her girlfriends, who seem certain about almost
everything: when couples get engaged, how much time between the proposal and
wedding, when to merge households, what type of wedding, where to honeymoon and
so forth. Kristin’s secretly struggling because her preference has always been
to accommodate the expectations of others rather than to make her own
choices.
When she realizes she can’t maintain
her “having it all” disguise, she starts avoiding meeting up with her friends.
Instead, she goes home most evenings and curls up on the couch with a bottle of
wine to relax and calm her nerves.
The downside of this was that drinking
every evening made her feel sluggish during the day. It wasn’t until her work performance
became erratic that she took the initiative to schedule a therapy appointment.
Clinical Considerations
For as many individuals who seek
therapy to cope with clinical issues, there are also those who simply come for help
to get through a particularly tough time. After a few sessions, Kristin felt
more in charge of her life again and less anxious. She stopped drinking every night and started
exercising again after work. She confided in Josh about feeling pressured by the
constant advice from their friends about everything having to do with their
lives. Josh was supportive and
reassuring.
Kristen used therapy to look at her
pattern of accommodating others’ expectations of her. She began to realize how
her perceptions of what she thinks others expect of her is really self-imposed.
This helped her begin to figure out what she wanted for herself and to trust showing
up as herself in her relationship with Josh and her interactions with others.
Kristin is proud of being proactive
about her self-care. She likes the work she has been doing in therapy. She’s
back on track at work. She and Josh have agreed to have regular checkpoints of
their own - rather than subscribe to any ‘expected’ timelines from their
friends. She is even thinking about shifting
from individual therapy to group therapy as a way to continue to make strides within
herself and in the company of others.
